Now to be honest, I’m not too bothered about finding someone in the next couple of years, I’m still young at 28 and my career is my priority right now, so I’m not in too much of a hurry, but the reason why it’s been bothering me is that I’m actually starting to worry that my family messed me up so much I’ll never be able to love anyone.I’m therapied out and no longer diagnosable – I’ve made a massive recovery and feel extremely healthy – so I don’t think more therapy is going to suddenly make me find more men attractive.Very attractive woman – a 43-year-old personal trainer who hated online dating for the very reason you mentioned. When we went through the website to take inventory, I asked her to put 40 guys on her favorites list. The only 6 guys she found attractive looked like 32-year-old GQ models whose preferred age range was 22-29.
Every once in a while, I like to poll my readers on the Nerd Love Facebook Page and on Twitter to find out what issues they feel are holding them back when it comes to dating.
And the most common answer is: “I worry that I’m too fat to date.” I’ll be honest: I’m not surprised. According to the Center for Disease Control, 69% of adults 20 years old and over are overweight and 35% are considered obese.
Just read what you wrote to me:“(I) avoid intimacy by going out with people I don’t find attractive.”Sorry, but I want to challenge that assertion.
You avoid intimacy by going out with people you DO find attractive – because the only people you find attractive are, in your words, “cold and narcissistic.”That begins in your childhood, SG, usually with an absent, distant, or abusive father. The only men you’re drawn to are the worst ones; the other 99%, you eliminate because you’re not attracted to them.
Societal standards of beauty are not only arbitrary but often literally impossible to achieve without Photoshop and make-up and there are assholes out there who feel empowered to mock fat people with impunity.