You get more of whatever you put your attention on.
A vengeful lack of forgiveness will also lead to less personal awareness and growth for you.
How would anyone be able of doing such a Herculean task?
I am very sorry for putting you on that impossible pedestal and then asking to be served by you. I also take responsibility for what happened in our relationship from not loving you for who you really are. We struggle to be our ideal, because we want to be fully loved, and to fully love ourselves, but deep down, we all just want to be loved for who we really are.
I decided right then as a Christian, I am using my faith to help lead my actions and moving closer to the fellowship in my church.